Learning to Find My Own Way

My Story by Phàn Tả Mẩy

My name is Ta May. I am eighteen years old and come from a Red Dao family in Tả Phìn Village, Sa Pa.

I live with my parents, my grandmother and my two younger siblings. All three of us children are still studying. When I think about my family, I think about how much our lives have changed and how hard my parents have worked to give us opportunities they did not have themselves.

When I was very young, we lived in a small, crowded house with relatives. Later, we moved into a simple bamboo house. It was small, but it was ours. The home we have today is much better, although it took years of work, saving and careful decisions to build.

My father studied until approximately Year 9, when he was about fifteen. For someone from his generation and background, this was a significant achievement. He later worked for the local commune, but the salary was low and the hours gave him little freedom. Eventually, he left and became a carpenter. He has now worked in carpentry for more than twenty years. His patience and determination have supported our family and helped us improve our home.

My mother never had the opportunity to attend school. When she was younger, she earned money by selling goods on the street. Although my parents had very different experiences of education, both have always encouraged us to continue studying.

My grandmother is also an important person in my life. She is around sixty years old and still sells goods in Sa Pa market. When I was younger, she often cooked for me before school. When she was away at the market, I learnt to cook for myself.

I began school close to my home in Tả Phìn and studied there from kindergarten until the end of Year 5. From Year 6, I travelled to a larger school in another part of the commune. I was not a boarding student, so I made the journey there and back each day. Some mornings began at about five o’clock. I would cook rice, eat breakfast and then leave for school. At home, we usually ate rice three times a day. Life was organised around school, family responsibilities and the work that needed to be done. There was still time to play. My favourite childhood game was skipping with a rope and a group of friends at school. These memories are simple, but they matter to me. Growing up in the village meant learning to take care of myself from a young age. I learnt to cook, organise my time and help with daily responsibilities. Nobody described these things as lessons. They were simply part of life.

These practical skills have helped me become independent, even though they may never appear in an examination. I have also learnt about some Red Dao medicinal plants and the forest around Tả Phìn. When I go into the forest with my mother, she points out different plants and explains how they are used. My grandmother also has this knowledge, although she now spends more time working at the market. My own knowledge is still basic. I recognise some plants, wild fruits and forest resources that I see regularly. I can also identify a small number of edible mushrooms, but I leave anything I do not recognise alone.

People sometimes imagine that every young Red Dao person automatically knows everything about medicinal plants, embroidery, traditional clothing or the forest. That is not true. This knowledge is detailed and takes time to learn. I know some things because my mother and grandmother have taught me, but there is still a great deal I do not know.

I learn from two different worlds. My family and community teach me practical knowledge, while school teaches me academic subjects. Both are important, although I often understand something more clearly when I can practise it for myself.

When I was younger, I was very quiet and shy. I found it difficult to speak to people I did not know and often felt nervous in unfamiliar situations. This began to change when I worked in a restaurant during the summer. At first, communicating with customers and other staff was difficult. I was not used to speaking so much, especially with strangers. The other staff supported me and showed me how to respond in different situations. Slowly, I became more comfortable. I spoke more clearly, worried less about making mistakes and became less afraid of unfamiliar people.

I am still thoughtful and sometimes quiet, but I now understand that confidence can be learnt. It grows through practice, mistakes and experience. The restaurant was not only a place to earn money. It also helped me discover abilities I had not recognised in myself.

Studying has not always been easy. Sometimes I struggle to concentrate. A teacher may show me how to do something and I understand while they are beside me, but later I find it difficult to repeat the task alone. As a small child, I did not enjoy school very much. As I grew older, I began to understand why education mattered. My parents encouraged me to continue for as long as I could. My mother never had the chance to attend school, but she wants something different for me. She wants me to learn, gain experience and have more choices.

My favourite subjects are Economics and Law because they connect to everyday life. We learn about social responsibilities, drugs, family matters, road use and the laws people need to understand.

I am also preparing to take my motorbike driving test. I feel reasonably confident about the practical riding, but I am worried about the theory examination. For me, a driving licence represents more than permission to ride a motorbike. It will make it easier to travel, study, find work and visit places beyond my village.

I have never seriously considered giving up my education, although continuing is not always easy. There are family responsibilities, financial pressures and times when earning money may seem more urgent than studying.

When people ask about the greatest challenge in my life, I do not immediately think about money, school or family circumstances. I think about my own mind. Sometimes my thoughts do not feel clear or steady. I feel uncertain about the direction I should take and do not always know what the next step should be. In Vietnamese, I describe this feeling as mông lung. It means feeling lost or unable to see the path ahead clearly.

At eighteen, I am expected to make decisions about education, work, family and the future. My parents had fewer choices when they were young. Their lives were often shaped by immediate necessity. I may have more opportunities, but having more choices can also create uncertainty.

One thing I am proud of is my ability to remain positive. There are times when I feel sad or think too deeply about my problems. When this happens, I remind myself to continue. Being positive does not mean pretending that everything is easy. It means trying not to let difficult thoughts stop me. When I look at my family, I can see how earning money has changed our lives. Work has helped us improve our home, gain greater security and think differently about the future. At the same time, money creates pressure because everyone understands that daily needs must be met.

When I say that I want to be financially independent, I am not only thinking about myself. I want to take care of my own needs and support my family. My parents and grandmother have worked hard for me, and I hope that one day I can help them in return. Financial independence would also give me more choices about where I work, what I study and how I live.

I would like to travel as well. First, I want to see more of Việt Nam. Later, I hope to travel abroad. I have already visited Hà Nội, Ninh Bình, Hà Giang and Điện Biên, but there are still many places I have never seen. When I was younger, most of my journeys were between home and school. Travelling has shown me that the world is much larger than the life I knew as a child. It allows me to see how other people live and imagine different possibilities for my own future.

Tourists sometimes visit my family home, and my mother has experience accompanying visitors. I want travellers to understand the cultural identity of the Red Dao people.

Our culture is not only our clothing, and it is not something that exists simply for photographs or performances. It is part of our language, families, beliefs, work and the way knowledge is passed between generations. It is present in the plants my mother shows me, the skills people use and the relationship our community has with the surrounding land. I want visitors to understand that our culture is living. It is part of who we are.

Sometimes I think about what I might teach my own children. First, I hope they will be healthy. I would teach them practical skills, such as cooking, caring for themselves and organising their lives. I would also want them to study, experience different kinds of work and discover what they genuinely want to do. I hope they will understand Red Dao culture and respect where they come from, while also having the freedom to explore new opportunities.

My story is not defined by one dramatic event. It is made up of smaller changes. It can be seen in the difference between the bamboo house of my childhood and the home my family has today. It is present in the years my father has spent working as a carpenter and in the sacrifices made by my mother, who never had the chance to attend school. It is also present in the way I am changing.

I was once too shy to speak comfortably with strangers. Now I am learning to communicate with greater confidence. I still worry about making mistakes, but I no longer believe that I must remain the same person forever. I do not yet know exactly what my future will look like. Sometimes I still feel mông lung, and the direction ahead is unclear. But I know that I want to continue learning, become more independent, support my family and see more of the world. I want visitors to understand Red Dao culture, and I hope one day to pass some of that knowledge to my own children.

My parents have worked hard to give me choices they did not have. I am still learning how to use those opportunities, and I do not need to have every answer immediately. My path is still taking shape. For now, I am learning to trust myself, remain positive and keep moving forward. I am learning to find my own way.